Fostering Older Children: Our Greatest Need
One of our greatest needs locally is for families to step up to foster children older than 10, especially teens. One local family waded into these waters this year and this is the foster mom’s reflections on the experience so far!
We began this fostering journey with respite care and emergency placement (a great first step), with an open heart for whatever the Lord had in store. Our first emergency placement was for a 14 year old boy... I was very nervous when they told me his age. This was older than what we had signed up for. I expected a visibly rebellious kid and for some reason I hid all my knives just in case-ha! However, a child walked through our door in a 14 year old body who was nervous and afraid. He was kind and respectful. He changed my perspective on teens.
We've had 8 emergency placements, and most all of them have been calls for children 11 and older. One of those was a 13 year old girl and the moment she walked in, with her head hung low but eyes glancing around to take in her surroundings, was the moment I felt a different kind of tug in my heart. My husband felt it too. My 5 year old must have sensed the nervousness because he walked over and gave her a starburst. A smile emerged and from that moment on the tension eased. An overnight stay turned into a 5 night stay. When she left, I cried. We couldn't stop wondering if she was able to go to a family member so a few days later I contacted the case worker to check on her. To our surprise, we were told she went to a group home. My husband said, “What's holding us back from bringing her here?” So, we pursued her and after some back and forth she did come back to our home at the beginning of May. We were nervous, but excited. While we were apprehensive, we were also sure we were doing the right thing.
Our experience this first month has been positive and fulfilling, tiring and hard,and overwhelming and fun. She has been a joy of a kid to have. We are wading our way through these NEW waters with a teen who was a stranger and who was from a different world in our home. We were in the trenches with preschoolers, not teens. We're learning to meet her halfway (sometimes more), to compromise where it's okay to do so, to have firm boundaries where they're needed most, and to continually have open dialogue (about EVERYTHING). I try to put myself in her shoes and treat her the way I would have wanted to be treated. Even if it means letting her drive from the stop sign in our neighborhood to our driveway every day just to fill her up with "yeses," so that trust can be built for when it's time to say "no". I've had to let go of a bit of control but it's worth it to watch my kids and her flourish. And we've been at the feet of our Father more often pleading for wisdom and help (and energy too), and... He's answered. Overall, she's been a blessing to our family!
A family shares about saying YES to long term to a teen in foster care who stole their hearts after a one night emergency placement.