No One Trained Me For This!
No One Trained Me For This!
Opening your life to foster care means coping with many strong emotions, sometimes all on the same day. Foster parents are required to have preservice training and then ongoing recertification credits of about 30 hours every two years. Even a seasoned parent, still isn’t prepared for the overwhelming emotions, tragic events, and peculiar situations foster parents find themselves wading through. Fostering Faithfully provides 12 recertification hours and many times of connection with other foster parents during the year. Foster parenting is too hard to do alone, and this is why Fostering Faithfully hosts face to face support groups where foster parents can find community: have genuine conversations, get authentic advice from others in the trenches, and receive tangible help for issues unique to foster care that they are facing.
Here are some emotions local foster parents face and situations they weren’t trained for:
Grief & Loss: Many children in foster care deal with feelings of loss related to their biological families, homes, and familiar environments. Foster families can also feel a sense of loss when children move on or when they are helping kids through their traumatic life events:
“No one told me I’d have to tell a 3 year old and 4 year old that their mom passed away and they couldn’t see her anymore or that I'd be taking them to her funeral.”
“I didn’t know how to help my 11 year old foster son deal with losing his single mother suddenly.”
Isolation: Both foster children and families may feel isolated, struggling to connect with others who don’t understand their experiences and find distancing from families or friends who don’t understand their child,or parenting decisions about how they discipline children who’ve experienced complex developmental trauma.
“No one ever told me how many people would walk away from a relationship with my family after it got messy.”
Issues due to medical and health neglect like babies weaning off drugs, lice infestations at midnight, how to use feeding tubes, unusual infections, extensive dental issues, skin conditions, and malnutrition/food hoarding or gorging.
“No one told me how to care for a 3 year old that was nonverbal and only drank Pediasure (had extensive feeding issues) from certain type cups.”
“I just didn’t expect that some of my foster children would have 10-12 cavities and teeth abscesses requiring surgery.”
Mental Health Distress: Many children don’t know how to cope and foster parents are right there with them while they are crying out for help.
“Nobody told me what it would be like to sit in the emergency room with two different children, at two different times for suicide attempt/threat (a 10 yr old and a 7 yr old) within the same year. Both cases were kids I just had for the weekend, and I'll never forget them. The first was the first foster child to ever stay in my house and I visited her every other day at Marshall Pickens Psychiatric Hospital for two weeks because she didn't have/didn't want anyone else to come...I still think about her years later.
“No one told me what to say to a young girl before/after a forensic interview. Just listening and saying I was there for her felt so inadequate.”
“I didn’t know what to do when I found my foster daughter cutting herself.”
Frustration: Navigating the foster care system, working with caseworkers who are overburdened, and figuring out the court system (for the first time ever) can be complex, leading to feelings of frustration.
“No one told me that I’d look like "the bad guy" sometimes. I've been raked over the coals by an organization that's supposed to help my child but made me feel like they didn’t like my choices and then also told me I'm a wonderful parent.”
“No one told me a judge would be making decisions before a guardian ad litem ever even visited my child.”
Thankfully, there are many other equally strong emotions that keep foster parents saying YES!
Deep Love: YES, you CAN love someone like your own child! The love and affection that develop between foster parents and children can be profound, creating deep emotional bonds that enrich both lives.
“It’s amazing how fast kids can feel like one of your own. They join in and become part of the stories your family tells for years.”
Joy: Positive moments, like celebrating milestones together, bring joy. Foster families often find fulfillment in making a difference in a child's life and seeing them smile again and enjoy simple childhood firsts.
“Taking a child camping or fishing for the first time and seeing their face light up when they are having such a fun time is a gift.”
“When my foster child told me he’d never had a cake or birthday party just for him, it was so special to honor him and give him that happy memory.”
Resilience and Witnessing Growth: Many children and foster families show incredible resilience, learning to cope with challenges and grow through their experiences. Seeing a child develop, learn new skills, gain confidence, and feel worth again is immensely rewarding.
“Teaching my foster daughter how to read and seeing how much she loved and enjoyed books was such a treasure! Seeing her then be able to not struggle so much at school was incredible. ”
Hope: Foster families often feel hope for the children’s future and their own ability to provide support a child needs to heal. Being part of a child’s journey toward reunification with a biological family member or seeing a successful adoption can fill foster parents with hope and optimism for a child’s new future.
“Seeing my once sick, malnourished, and sad foster daughter grow up in a wonderful family healthy, thriving, and happy with her biological brother brings me so much peace. I am so glad I could be there for her and help her find her forever family.”
“Our last case the mother worked so hard to get healthy and stable to raise her children and keep her bonds with them white they were at my home. It was such a joy to partner with her and return her children to her, assured that they will be cared for and we will be able to stay in touch over the years.”
Despite the unexpected and uncomfortable many foster parents still feel like this local foster mama—
