Making Room for More: One Oconee Family's Journey Serving Sibling Sets
Three kids has always seemed like A LOT, especially our three kids. Our wonderful “biological” kids have a TON of personality and as a dear friend once said perfectly-- they fill a room with their personalities and volume. Adding to this “full” and spicy family seemed a little absurd. So, when my husband and I decided we were ready to get licensed as a foster family, we had a conversation that was this simple:
Me: If DSS calls me and they ask us to take two kids, do you want me to say yes or no?
Him: I really think we should start with one, but I don’t want siblings split up.
Me: Ok, so say yes to up to two kids?
Him: Yes.
After 5 months of waiting, DSS called in April 2016 asking if we’d take 2 children that were part of 5 siblings. We excitedly said yes to a toddler and baby. Problem was, they also informed us that our license hadn’t actually gone through, so as soon as they got word from Columbia, they would give us a call. In what seemed like years, but was just weeks, we welcomed a baby girl and a 4 year old girl. They were perfect for us-- big personalities with a lot of zeal for living large! It wasn’t easy, but they became an integral part of our family. In August, we got word that there was a 2 year old brother that had been moved several times to different foster homes due to behavior issues (aka trauma showing itself), and we thought maybe he would do better in a home with his sisters. He did! In less than six months, we went from 3 kids to 6.
We added beds. We bought a 12 passenger van. We added toys, bikes, clothes, diapers, bottles, WIC appointments, doctor appointments, and family visits. Did I mention our 3 kids were teenagers very actively involved in sports, youth group, and other activities? It was A LOT. Parenting kids, especially kids that have experienced trauma, is challenging to put it mildly. Despite more than a few fits, we loved these kids fiercely. My heart still aches thinking about saying goodbye to our first babies...a sibling set of 3.
After a long story and a couple of years, in 2018 we had 4 foster children. 7. Kids. 7 kids! Then that sibling group of 4 went home to their biological mom and we said the hardest goodbye of our lives. For a season, we had a few kids come in and out...mostly sibling groups of 2 (it seems we officially became a foster family that takes sibling groups). After a series of placements and beautifully broken stories, in February of 2019, we welcomed a 3 month old baby boy. Six months later, history repeated itself. We were asked if we would take two brothers: ages 3 and 5. We hate having empty beds at this point, and a baby and two boys seemed like it would be pretty easy. When we told placement we would take the boys, the worker kindly asked if we would consider taking their 8 year old sister. This was WAY out of our comfort zone. We always stuck with ages 0-6, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that we aren’t good at saying no, so in late August, the caseworker met me in the parking lot of a school and I welcomed 2 boys and an 8 year old girl into our lives. In true foster care fashion, another sister needed to come into our home in February of 2020, and remarkably she, too, is a great fit for our family.
For those of you keeping count, that means in August of 2019, we had 7 kids. In February, we had 8 kids. God has a great sense of humor! I’d like to think that we would have had the faith to say yes to sibling groups of 3, the next 4, and then 4 AGAIN. I have always said that God knew exactly how to work these sibling groups into our family. Saying yes to two seemed like such a huge leap of faith in April of 2016. Now, in May of 2020 after saying goodbye to a sweet baby boy, we are down to 7 kids and it just seems like it isn’t enough. Empty beds means we have means to help more families.
With a newer 12 passenger van, a triple bunk in one of the girls’ rooms, 2 permanent cribs, 2 permanent double bunks, lots of re-configuring of the clothes/beds, a longer dining table, more dining chairs,and more bikes, God has turned our home into a “sibling group” kind of place!
My philosophy is that we have the beds, car seats, rooms, etc...why would we not want to fill them up? There are so many ways God has provided for us and our foster children (and their biological families). What cannot be quantified is the hope I have in Jesus and nothing else. The roller coaster foster families ride is never-ending, never predictable, and yes, heartbreaking. God calls us into the messy. God calls us to take leaps of faith. He calls us to say yes. He will provide EVERYTHING we need if we say yes in obedience to things that matter to Him, including hope, faith, peace, strength, and wisdom. Foster care will wreck you. It will show you brokenness in ways you never understood before. It will show you what true sacrifice looks like. It will bring you to the throne of the only one that will ever be able to carry you through. That’s what He has done for our family. He will do this for you, too. There is never a perfect time or situation. There is never a perfect family. There is never the perfect house, car, table, or even number of children. When you are walking in faith following His will, and your yes seems scary and overwhelming, and maybe even as crazy as being a mom to 8 or more, He is enough.
Oconee Foster Mom
Fostering Faithfully was happy to help this family purchase a new table so the whole family could have dinner together!