How They Arrive
We posted recently about why support for foster parents is so crucial those first weeks of a placement (cue sobbing and no sleep imagery). However, one of our veteran foster parents replied to encourage others that it’s not always like that! She was exactly right. So, I thought I’d share a bit about how our 40 foster kids have arrived here at our home. I’d also like to say that if DSS says they are bringing kids that usually means it will be hours after they say they’ll arrive!
One set of brothers arrived at 11pm, with bewildered, but happy smiles even though they didn’t speak our language well. They tucked in and went right to sleep, and woke up happily realizing they were with a “real cowboy” when they spotted my husband moving our cows.
One set of brothers arrived around 5pm and couldn’t even sit up to eat and take a bath. They were literally collapsing from being homeless for two weeks and sleeping in a car. They tucked in and slept 17.5 hours, and were still drowsy when I woke them up to feed them and check on them. It wasn’t until Day 3 they woke up and acted more like real boys!
Some come in and run wild! They are so anxious that they literally run laps around the house and it's hard to settle their anxiety and still their little bodies, but often a good snack and warm bath helps!
Some take a tour and just wander around with my kids, figuring out this place. Some are silent and some ask lots of questions along their tour. Some have never been in a home with stairs, so that’s compelling in itself and they go up and down a while and try them out.
One 5th grade boy arrived shaken for sure, but truly was relieved he was no longer responsible for a wild 2 year old brother. He immediately enjoyed gaming and “retiring” from being a parent.
One little girl with a disability, just stared at us. The blank face is a common trauma response we’ve had from quite a few kids. They stare silently and just shake when answering my questions. It is a very beautiful thing to see them light up the next couple days and start talking.
I’ve picked up two children up at gas stations over the years (meeting caseworkers from faraway places), and the kids just hopped right in my car and make conversation. Many have arrived while we play outside in the afternoon and they jump in power wheels or on a bike, swing, or trampoline like they’ve always been here while I chat with the caseworker and unload their things. Those same kiddos might get weepy that first night as it’s scary to close your eyes and trust strangers to fall asleep, but if I lie on the floor or rub the back a bit they fall asleep and sleep well. After what they’ve been through that day, they are often worn out.
One 4 year old girl did indeed scream and cry for 3 days as she’d never slept alone in a room by herself and didn’t feel well.
One 5 year old came in the afternoon, joined us on the trampoline squealing and jumping (seemingly oblivious thankfully that her mother had murdered someone in their home). She announced at dinner she usually goes by “Princess E.” She was very far from shy and withdrawn.
We have had two occasions where siblings are split up here at our home, and weeping happened for at least a couple hours understandably. In one case, coloring helped, in another case... nothing did. He beat on our back door a bit late that night, demanding us to “take him to his Daddy,” which I totally get. He cried a bit before bed, but woke up happy and ready to play.
One brother was released from the hospital and brought to our home, where his sister had been for the night already. He burst in the door with a big smile to see his sister so content and then enjoyed building some Legos and making us laugh. Then, I told him about the lice situation and he said basically, “Yeah, I know about the bugs.” So, we chatted and got to know each other while shampooing and picking out those “bugs.”
Even if any of these kids were up on night 1, only one carried her sobbing grief for days. So, I write this to encourage those of you considering foster care. They don’t all arrive distraught, though some do and that’s okay. You get through it together as a family. God’s grace is sufficient and he has always been faithful to help us “figure out” each child and what they need to settle in.
No matter how the kids arrive, the first weeks are always packed with visits from caseworkers, appointments with doctors/therapists/counselors/guardians, and emotional visits with biological families. The first month of a new placement is a time of starting a new school, getting new clothes, adjusting or finding medications, and settling into a new routine. It is a GREAT time to support a foster family in tangible ways! Come join our team that meets needs not just the first weeks, but throughout the placement.
